Isolation can take a toll on us once we get out of the military. We spend years around like minded peers, all focused on the mission, then one day, it’s just gone. We retreat into our minds, thinking about the friends we’ve left behind, the job we miss, and the purpose for which we lived. We try to make sense of our time; we try to translate our skills into ‘civilian language’; we do our best to fit in – but with each passing day, the longer we dwell on the past without finding a replacement for the present, the deeper we recede into our isolation.
To begin the process of finding our way back to the present, we must first understand there is a difference between isolation and solitude. Isolation is what was just described; solitude is a conscious choice of contentment. It is OK to live in solitude because there is inherent joy in the life being lived. You may find it hard to be around people, but you know your place, you know your purpose, and you practice the gratitude of a happy life in the present. Such a state may seem fleeting to you, so here are four things you can do if you feel isolated.
1. Take a Break from Social Media
This may sound counterintuitive, but when we spend our time peering into the lives of others, we tend to compare ourselves to those we follow. Unless there is a strong foundation within our own self-reflection, this comparison will only further our resentment of others, taking us away from a state of self-acceptance. Removing the influence of others, allows us to reflect on what is important to us, giving us the internal focus we need to pursue a better purpose.
2. Engage in a Hobby
It doesn’t have to be a passion or deeply loved. Doing something which occupies your brain power is all that is required. Obviously, you should at least like doing whatever you choose to do, but once again, you don’t have to compare your ability to partake in an activity to others who do the same thing. The time you spend on any activity that can provide you even a miniscule amount of joy is time well spent. This is also one of the first places you can start to find like minded peers. Becoming part of a group, club, or other organization with a focus on your chosen hobby can open the door to some wonderful relationships.
3. Appreciate Nature
We all spent time fighting for our way of life and to preserve the country we call home. How many of you have actually spent time enjoying all the wonderful views our country has to offer. This doesn’t mean you have to go on some crazy long National Park trip. There are plenty of county and state parks within an easy driving distance of wherever you live. One of the coolest things happening over the last decade or so has been the redevelopment of unused railroad lines. Tracks have been pulled up, rocks or asphalt have been laid, and now there are miles of preserved thoroughfares which were once only visible to train conductors. Check out this really cool map which shows you the “rail to trail” closest to you!
4. Volunteer
This option can actually serve multiple purposes. The non-profit industry is ripe with opportunities. Volunteering allows you to utilize skills you already have, or gain new ones which could be beneficial in a career. This is also one of the best ways to network as you can find opportunities to expose yourself to other people from companies for which you may want to work; or you may even find that working for a non-profit will give you the same sense of fulfillment in the mission of an organization you can really connect with. At the very least, you’ll be able to find other people with similar interests. The two best places to start would be to find your local United Way or check out VolunteerMatch.
All in all, isolation starts out small, then it can feel consuming. At some point though, remaining in a state of suck becomes a choice. Since you are gonna have to make a choice, try solitude first. Find the joy that comes from really knowing yourself and having a life of contentment. If that doesn’t work, force yourself to get out of your comfort zone and find like minded people who share similar interests and activities. No matter which path you take, they will lead you out of isolation and into a world of endless opportunities.
Now What?
Now that you have some ideas, it’s time to go out and become active in society again! Come join our Facebook group and share what you’ve done to stop feeling isolated. Make a post in the group, on your timeline, or even on your Instagram account using the hashtag #ProactivelyEngaged so we can experience what works together!